I’m dating….. I bought a gun.
I know, I know these statements should not be related. Or if they are, I should seek counseling! In my mind, in my world, they are very related — emotionally.
Dating is so different in my 50’s — there’s a lot ‘they’ don’t tell you about dating in your 50’s. I’ll get to that in a moment.
Having a gun is so different, so foreign. Both of these activities have me out of my comfort zone and both of them are borne out of accepting my age and where I am in my life.
Ok, dating. I can’t put the gun under my pillow when I have overnight guests but I also don’t have a nightstand. What to do? Thankfully that chat hasn’t happened yet. Matter-of-fact, at this point, I’m weeding out men based on their opinions on gun ownership. There are A LOT of men online who are staunchly anti-gun and/or very restrictive gun control, especially in California. Hard to wink at someone when he’s vehemently opposed to guns and I have one staring at me every night when I go to sleep. Is this similar to a man who smokes weed every night and I’m not comfortable with that?
The gun — which is awesome! — was a decision that came upon me recently. We live in a world of crazy, even more crazy in Los Angeles. Heaven forbid, I’m in a ‘him or me’ situation.
One day, I realized that if that happens, I want ‘me’ to come out standing. It wasn’t an easy decision to admit that I’d take a life if I had to but as I get older, I’m more vulnerable. I’d like to pretend, since I’m a big woman, that I can take care of myself in most situations. Will that be true when I’m 65?
I was attacked at knifepoint when I was 25. Not once did I think of getting a gun at that age. Now I no longer have that youthful energy or anger. Could I fight off an attacker? I don’t know and I’m not sure I want to find out.
I needed ‘self-defense viagra’.
I bought a beautiful gun (really? who am I right now???), named her Mae West, and practice ALOT for muscle memory. I don’t want that worst case scenario but if it happens, I want to be ready.
A long winded way of saying I’d like a partner in my life …. but I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Hell, I might be the shooter of the family!!