What’s Irreconcilable?

June 9th, 2012

How do you know when you’ve hit Irreconcilable differences with a Significant Other (SO)?  is every difference one that can be compromised?

I see friends in their 20s/30s who seem hellbent on making a relationship “work” even as it doesn’t work.    Why?  is it the theory of scarcity?

Here’s what I’ve seen:

Infidelity — I’m not sure that having more sex is the answer to this one.   Infidelity is a choice to be selfish, not a plea to have more sex.  That being said, I don’t think infidelity has to be an irreconcilable difference because, obviously many couples work through it and have a strong positive relationship.

Drug/Alcohol Abuse — This is another one I’m uncertain about.  It’s difficult to make someone your #1 when s/he has made drugs/alcohol her/his #1.  Relationships work when each partner places the other first in her/his life.  Or when one is content being second to the substance(s).

Abuse — not much I can say here.  Abuse comes in many forms; none of them feel good.  Call me naive but I still believe love should feel good — GREAT — so why be with someone who makes you feel less than good?  Who wants to make you feel bad in order to feel good.

Money — Someone’s not making enough… or the wrong one is make too much, usually the woman.  I get this.  But how can a relationship thrive if it’s based on one partner being less?   If a partner is uncomfortable with the money the other one makes, is this irreconcilable?  How do you reconcile?

What about the saver/spender relationship?  I can see this one being a landmine that has to be tread very carefully.  My parents’ generation were savers; purchases were done in cash and debt was considered ok for a house.  Now high school students have credit cards!

The dynamic of money and relationship is one I want to explore in later posts.  It fascinates me.

Sex — ah.  The question of libido compatibility.    Is this irreconcilable?  Is there more at play?  How does a couple reconcile this?

I’m not sure what are true irreconcilable differences — I think it depends on how hard a couple is willing to work on resolving them.  I don’t know if how much a couple loves is a big factor.


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