What’s Irreconcilable?

How do you know when you’ve hit Irreconcilable differences with a Significant Other (SO)?  is every difference one that can be compromised?

I see friends in their 20s/30s who seem hellbent on making a relationship “work” even as it doesn’t work.    Why?  is it the theory of scarcity?

Here’s what I’ve seen:

Infidelity — I’m not sure that having more sex is the answer to this one.   Infidelity is a choice to be selfish, not a plea to have more sex.  That being said, I don’t think infidelity has to be an irreconcilable difference because, obviously many couples work through it and have a strong positive relationship.

Drug/Alcohol Abuse — This is another one I’m uncertain about.  It’s difficult to make someone your #1 when s/he has made drugs/alcohol her/his #1.  Relationships work when each partner places the other first in her/his life.  Or when one is content being second to the substance(s).

Abuse — not much I can say here.  Abuse comes in many forms; none of them feel good.  Call me naive but I still believe love should feel good — GREAT — so why be with someone who makes you feel less than good?  Who wants to make you feel bad in order to feel good.

Money — Someone’s not making enough… or the wrong one is make too much, usually the woman.  I get this.  But how can a relationship thrive if it’s based on one partner being less?   If a partner is uncomfortable with the money the other one makes, is this irreconcilable?  How do you reconcile?

What about the saver/spender relationship?  I can see this one being a landmine that has to be tread very carefully.  My parents’ generation were savers; purchases were done in cash and debt was considered ok for a house.  Now high school students have credit cards!

The dynamic of money and relationship is one I want to explore in later posts.  It fascinates me.

Sex — ah.  The question of libido compatibility.    Is this irreconcilable?  Is there more at play?  How does a couple reconcile this?

I’m not sure what are true irreconcilable differences — I think it depends on how hard a couple is willing to work on resolving them.  I don’t know if how much a couple loves is a big factor.

 

Writen by Chanel Babe

Hitting my stride in my 50s. An eclectic collector of wine, Chanel(r) purses, vintage teapots, cowboy boots and travel adventures. This is my MIDLIFE adventure . Welcome onboard~

Thank you for joining me on this journey in midlife!