How do you know when you’ve hit Irreconcilable differences with a Significant Other (SO)? is every difference one that can be compromised?
I see friends in their 20s/30s who seem hellbent on making a relationship “work” even as it doesn’t work. Why? is it the theory of scarcity?
Here’s what I’ve seen:
Infidelity — I’m not sure that having more sex is the answer to this one. Infidelity is a choice to be selfish, not a plea to have more sex. That being said, I don’t think infidelity has to be an irreconcilable difference because, obviously many couples work through it and have a strong positive relationship.
Drug/Alcohol Abuse — This is another one I’m uncertain about. It’s difficult to make someone your #1 when s/he has made drugs/alcohol her/his #1. Relationships work when each partner places the other first in her/his life. Or when one is content being second to the substance(s).
Abuse — not much I can say here. Abuse comes in many forms; none of them feel good. Call me naive but I still believe love should feel good — GREAT — so why be with someone who makes you feel less than good? Who wants to make you feel bad in order to feel good.
Money — Someone’s not making enough… or the wrong one is make too much, usually the woman. I get this. But how can a relationship thrive if it’s based on one partner being less? If a partner is uncomfortable with the money the other one makes, is this irreconcilable? How do you reconcile?
What about the saver/spender relationship? I can see this one being a landmine that has to be tread very carefully. My parents’ generation were savers; purchases were done in cash and debt was considered ok for a house. Now high school students have credit cards!
The dynamic of money and relationship is one I want to explore in later posts. It fascinates me.
Sex — ah. The question of libido compatibility. Is this irreconcilable? Is there more at play? How does a couple reconcile this?
I’m not sure what are true irreconcilable differences — I think it depends on how hard a couple is willing to work on resolving them. I don’t know if how much a couple loves is a big factor.
